Agreement on Sharing
An Agreement to not force sharing and/or other behaviors…
At The Wonder Studio, we believe in offering children a time and a place to practice social skills, independence, and self-regulation.
In our commitment to Wonder Studio as a place where children can feel empowered and creative, we ask that parents and caregivers take a step back and take advantage of this time and space as an opportunity to learn from and about your child(ren).
Our goal as teachers, is to create a united front among our Wonder Studio communities to trust our children and their beautiful human instinct to engage socially with others. Young children’s social interactions will look very different from an adult’s social interactions.
As caregivers, we understand that our young children, will benefit from making social mistakes. We will step in (when possible) to physically prevent hitting, biting, pushing, scratching, (putting your body/hand/arm between the children with the language, “I will not let you hit/scratch/bite Johnny.” but otherwise, will offer the following guidance for young children:
1. A non-judgmental attitude including not labeling children as mean, not nice, bossy, shy, push-over, etc..
2. Confidence and understanding that the child(ren) has a right to choose his/her level of social engagement.
3. Narrate or “sportscast” the experience of the child(ren) when social problem-solving is happening.
4. Emotional “coaching” …”do you need a hug?” “it looks like you are frustrated.” “he looks sad that you took the ball from him.”
5. Time and space to reflect in isolation (not time-out). Sitting with a child outside away from the group to decrease the sensory stimuli and to gain perspective is beneficial but please do not use as a punishment.
6. Encourage and offer Language (including body language and sign language) as a tool for the child(ren). In the heat of the moment, children often forget which words/actions can help and/or don’t understand the utterances of their studio mates.
“You can tell Johnny, No.” “Hold out your hand and say, “Can I have the ball?” “Now we wait and see.” “Johnny is shaking his head and saying, “No.” “Would you like to sit here and wait for your turn or would you like to go and do something else while you wait?”
The teachers at The Wonder Studio understand that the adults in the room are able to Problem-solve and regulate children’s behaviors (through time-outs, punishments, timers, labeling, bribing, and forcing social/cognitive behaviors as well as forcing kids to apologize).
However, we are instead choosing to consciously practice a mindfulness that allows the child a time and space to practice SELF-regulation. We understand that this means the child will make mistakes but we are choosing to value those mistakes as opportunities for learning.
Thank you.
Shannon Lipan and The Wonder Studio teachers.
A blog and Video to describe our agreement. The link below takes you to our YouTube channel with a specific video on Not Sharing. Then you can read some reflections in the link following.
Not Forcing Sharing -
It’s uncomfortable.
a blog by Megan Kotsko
It's time to talk about the dreaded.....SHARING.
I will be referencing the Wonder Studio Sharing Agreement which is posted above:
This is a big topic and I wanted to bring in Kindergarten Teacher Expert, Wonder Studio Teacher, and a Wonder Studio MAMA - Megan. Thankfully she really brought her whole experience to this challenging topic.
I hope you will find her post open, honest, and professional viewpoint helpful!
Hello! It’s Megan here, adding a little personal parenting experience to this blog post on Our Agreement on Sharing. So, to be completely honest, this topic hits home because my son, my sweet, caring, always sharing at home with me son, is not quite the sharer at The Wonder Studio. This is really really hard for me...not him, ME! Many feelings overwhelm me in the moment even though I know I am in a judgement free zone. I feel nervous and anxious thinking others are judging or questioning my parenting while making assumptions about his character. I feel embarrassed and often shocked that he is taking something from another child. I feel desperate for him to do anything else, wander to any other area, sneeze, need to go potty….anything other than take the toy. Ahhhhhh! I could go on and on. It’s just uncomfortable. Again, it’s worth noting, it’s uncomfortable for me.
So, as a first time mom, I have read about this topic. Then read some more. Then I watched videos. All because I wanted to learn about what is developmentally appropriate for him in regard to sharing. What I have learned is that it’s okay for him not to share. (HUGE SIGH OF RELIEF!)
He isn’t developmentally expected to understand this concept at this time. The real way he will learn to share is for me to step out and let him play. Let him engage with other children without interruption. Let him and the other children negotiate these social situations on their own. Let him solve problems. Let him experience conflict. Let him experiment with social behaviors. Let him play. Let him learn.
You see, for him this sharing or not sharing thing is play. And play is learning. It’s him learning how to interact with others. It’s him learning how to get the really cool digger from the sand table that he wants, even if someone else is actively playing with it. It may be uncomfortable for me, but it’s not necessarily uncomfortable for him.
These quotes helped me build my understanding of sharing when it comes to toddlers:
“Following the RIE approach, we start with the least amount of help and intervention and then slowly increase it. We do expect and trust that even infants eventually learn most by working out conflicts all by themselves. If every time adults jump in and bring in their version of what is right, the children learn either to depend on them or to defy them. The more we trust they can solve, the more they do learn to solve.” –Magda Gerber, Dear Parent: Caring For Infants With Respect
“When we make a child share, it is not sharing.” -Magda Gerber
These articles/videos also aided me on my journey to understand what my child is learning while he may not be sharing:
The S Word - Children Learning to Shar - Janet Lansbury
These Toddlers Are Not Sharing - Janet Lansbury
Baby Teamwork (Sharing Because They Want To) - Janet Lansbury
I hope this helps you as much as it did me. Oh and if you see me taking deep breaths while watching my son take a toy he really wants from another child...it’s my way of coping with the situation while trusting my son will learn to share when he is developmentally ready to do so!
“Following the RIE approach, we start with the least amount of help and intervention and then slowly increase it. We do expect and trust that even infants eventually learn most by working out conflicts all by themselves. If every time adults jump in and bring in their version of what is right, the children learn either to depend on them or to defy them. The more we trust they can solve, the more they do learn to solve.”